


Picture Perfect

by DestielNochester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Cute, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Fandom, Fanfic, Heart, Inspired, Love, M/M, Romance, Sad, Story, Supernatural - Freeform, Twist and Shout, romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-04 15:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1783561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielNochester/pseuds/DestielNochester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is a hobby photagrapher. He get's inspired by taking pictures of people in their everyday life. One day he captures a picture of a hazel green eyed man and he falls in love with this stranger, who he later learns the name of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I never learned his name

The street light flickered and made the whole scene scarier than it already was. Castiel pulled his trench coat closer to his body and held it there with his arms in a cross over his chest. He inhaled the moist night air. A car drove past him and some of the water on the road hit his leg. It wasn’t raining, but it had been the whole day and now the water was lying like a duvet on the road. Castiel didn’t like being out alone in the dark, but this was the time he got the best pictures and nothing bad had ever happened to him while he was out, alone, in the middle of the night. He took a glance at his watch, it read twelve past one, and it was Monday now. It had just been Sunday. Castiel found it funny how a day can change just by the movement of a small line inside a little device. He started walking towards the beach, walked pass all the buildings and houses. He looked at them and dreamed of one day having a family and a big house, a dog and a picket fence. He could see himself sitting on the porch in a hot sommer morning, enjoying a cold beer, while his children was running around in their big garden and his husband fixing their lawnmower. Yes, his husband, and that made the whole dream just sink down at the bottom of the ocean, drowning, like everything Castiel ever wanted, which he could never get, because he was gay.

The sun was shining though the small opening in Castiels curtains and made its way to his face. He pulled the duvet over his face and turned around. He had been out to long last night and he did not want to wake up already. He pulled the duvet down and picked up his watch from his nightstand. He could barely open his eyes, but it was enough for him to see the time, eight past ten. He sighed and got out of bed. He dragged himself over to his small wooden closet and pulled out a pair of black pants and a white t-shirt. One out of 5 outfits he had. He walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on his face, he believed that this would wake him up. He looked at himself in the mirror, he looked tired, but anyone would look tired after only 4 hours of sleep. He turned off the sink and watched the last of the water go down the drain. He dried his face with his little red towel and continued his morning routine. Making a cup of coffee, checking if he had anything to eat, making whatever he had, which today was a single piece of bread and some cheese he was almost certain had expired. He then sat down in his couch, turned on his radio and let the music fill his whole apartment. It wasn’t the biggest apartment, but it was his and he was happy with it. He ran a hand through his hair and he looked out the window in his living room. The sun was shining, not like yesterday and today he had the chance to go out and take some really good pictures. Today he could do what he liked the best, taking pictures of people, catching them in their everyday life. That was what inspired him the most. He liked taking pictures of the ocean and all the beauty nature had to offer, but there was something about the pictures he took of people when they were running to their bus or drinking a coffee with a friend. There was something magical about capturing the behavior of everyday people. He couldn’t quite explain it, he just liked it. He didn’t have work today, so he had the whole day to walk around, taking pictures, instead of being inside the small diner all day, being polite to rude costumers. He didn’t like his job, but he needed it. He needed the money.

Outside it was a normal California morning, people were busy talking on their phone, buying their groceries, getting to their work place and just meeting an old friend. It was the perfect day for Castiel to take pictures. He walked down the street, whit his camera hanging around his neck. It was an old camera, a Polaroid he got from his grandfather when he was a child. He had wanted to buy one of those expensive HD cameras, but he didn’t have the money and he liked the pictures from the Polaroid. The white frame, where he could write a small special note about the pictures so he would always remember what inspired him. After a couple of hours Castiel’s pocket where full of pictures and he was almost ready to get home and look through them and sort out the good ones, he just needed a little more time, because he didn’t feel like he had captured the perfect picture yet. He walked pass a small café and he stopped for a minute to look around for someone to snap a picture of. Sometimes he felt so much like a tourist, walking around with his camera, but he didn’t care. Castiel turned his head and he saw a man in a brown leather jacket, green shirt and a grey t-shirt, he was wearing a pair of old jeans and brown shoes. His hair was light brown and even from his distance he could see his hazel green eyes. He took a step closer, put the polaroid up, took a moment to look at the man and snapped the picture. He turned around quickly and the picture came out from the camera, he pulled it out and placed it carefully down in his pocket. He turned around one more time to take one last look at the man before walking back home, he just caught the perfect picture.

Later that night Castiel was done sorting out the pictures, writing small notes on them and he was now sitting on the couch, listening to the radio, a woman’s voice filled the room, he didn’t know the artist, he didn’t have to either, he liked this song and he had his eyes closed, enjoying the peace. He put his hands in his pockets and then he felt some paper on his fingers. He pulled the paper out and saw it was a picture he had forgotten to sort out. He looked at it and recognized the man in the brown leather jacket. He caught himself daydreaming about him. The man in his dream about a house, family, a picket fence now had a face and it was this face. Castiel sighed and pulled out a pen, he placed the picture on the small coffee table and wrote a small note on the bottom.

_I never learned his name._


	2. In love with a stranger.

“Can I get you something?” Castiel asked the old man reading his paper, he didn’t answer, he just shook his head, didn’t even give Castiel one look. He turned around, keeping his frustration inside. He got behind the counter and filled some man’s cup with coffee. He looked at the big window in the diner, looked at all the people, the beautiful summer weather, another perfect day to take pictures, but he was stuck inside here, serving strangers coffee. It had been a week since he took the picture of the man in the brown leather jacket and Castiel had been out every day, trying to find him again. He didn’t know him nor did he know his name, but there was something about him and he wanted to see him again, no, he needed to see him again. He wanted to learn his name, to get to know hi, go on a first date with him, have the first kiss with him, falling in love with him and live the rest of his life with the man in the brown leather jacket. He quickly snapped out of his daydream when the thought ‘He’s probably not queer’ flew pass his mind. That thought was the reason Castiel never had been in a relationship, he always thought that he was the only gay guy in the whole world and even if he found someone, why would they be with him? He was poor, liked taking pictures of random people and served coffee to strangers four days a week. He sighed and made another can of coffee. 

The little bell on the door made a noise when someone walked in and Castiel always turned around to see who would come in next. A part of him hoped for the man in the brown leather jacket, but he never showed. Castiel continued his work and then Charlie, a skinny read haired girl, tapped on his shoulder. “You can take a break now, I’ll take over for you here” she said, she was always so happy. Castiel gave her a smile and handed her the can.  
“Have fun” she said and waved at Castiel as he walked out the back. Castiel never took a break, mostly because he didn’t feel like he needed one and also that he never had any food to eat during lunch break. He was a little hungry, but it was okay, he would rather use money on films for his camera than for food. He was staring at his hands, not knowing exactly what to do, he had thirty minutes. Normally he would go out and take pictures, but not today, he was afraid to move from his spot, what if the man came in, what if he wanted coffee. Castiel had told Charlie about him, he knew she would accept him for who he was, for two reasons, she was his best friend and she was the same. She liked girls and he liked guys, they had bonded over that and they quickly became good friends. They would always have each other’s backs and Charlie was one tough woman. Castiel was shyer and tried to avoid any conflict. Charlie was the only one who knew about him, not even his family knew, because Castiel knew how they would react. They would put him out in the cold, they would cut contact with him, and they would act as if he never existed. He knew this, because his uncle, Lucifer came out as gay a couple of years ago and the whole family cut contact with him. No one wanted to talk to him, no one liked him, and so Castiel never said about it anything. He barely talked with his family to avoid accidently saying it or giving to many signals. 

The day was long and he was finally done with his shift and Castiel was now walking home, he could take the bus, but he didn’t have enough money for that and camera films. He always prioritized film for his camera. While he was walking home he looked at his watch, four past nine. The whole day had gone in there, serving coffee. If it hadn’t been for Charlie he would never made it through a whole day. She made the whole working thing easier. None of the other of Castiel’s co-workers talked much with him, they thought he was weird and no one liked him that much. Castiel pulled out his keys and unlocked the door to his apartment. He walked in and closed the door behind him. Another day over and he still didn’t knew his name. He thought he never would, he would never meet him again. He pulled the picture out from his shoebox that he had under his bed. He kept all the best pictures in this box and this one was on the top. He always did this when he got home. He would find the picture of the man and just stare at it for hours at a time. Castiel didn’t know much, but he knew this, he was in love with a stranger.   
___________________________

“Seriously Dean” Sam said while throwing Deans bag of clean clothes on Deans couch “Seriously, I can’t keep doing your laundry, get a washing mashing or something”. Dean looked out the window, ignoring everything Sam said, he didn’t want to wash his clothes, he didn’t have time for stuff like that, he had more important things to do. For months now he had been looking for one special man. He didn’t know how he looked like, he had only seen his back, but he would recognize that trench coat anywhere. The image had burned itself into Dean’s head. It was a flash of a light and a beige trench coat, that was all it took for Dean to realize why it never had worked with any girls, not even Joe, who he at one point almost got engaged to. He had realized it now, he could never find the one girl, because it wasn’t a girl he was supposed to be with, he was supposed to be with a man and not any man, the man in the beige trench coat. He had been searching high and low for him, but he could never find him. He always came back to the same café, hoping he would be there too. He would wear the same clothes, in hopes that the stranger had seen him and would recognize him. It was stupid, Dean knew it, but he couldn’t help it. He heard the door shut and he knew that Sam had tried to talk to him, but Dean completely blocked him out. He loved Sam, he was his little brother, but right now his mind was occupied with something else, something bigger, bigger than family, he was in love, in love with a stranger.


	3. The moment before the kiss

Five months had passed and Castiel had still not found the stranger he so desperately needed to meet. He had almost given up and he was getting more and more depressed, which Charlie had noticed, so she had started to keep an eye open for any man wearing a brown leather jacket, but none of those she had seen was Castiel’s stranger. She had seen the picture, so she knew who to look for. 

Castiel had his back to the counter to fill a can with coffee when the little doorbell made a sound and the door closed right after. He heard footsteps coming towards the counter and one of the chairs got pulled out. He could hear the chair make a sound when the person sat down at it and he turned around to ask what the person wanted. It slipped out of his hand, coffee everywhere, everyone turned their heads, but Castiel didn’t notice nor did he care. He didn’t care that the hot coffee was burning his leg, that his shoe was soaking in the coffee, he didn’t care that he had to clean this up later, all he cared about was the hazel green eyes in front of him. He recognized them he recognized him. It was him, the stranger he had fallen in love with. The man he had been looking for all this time, he was sitting right in front of him, he looked like he was in shock and Castiel looked the same way. Castiel wasn’t able to move or say anything so Charlie took his shoulder and helped him out the back. “Go home Castiel” she stroke his back “I’ll tell the manager you’re sick”. Castiel was just standing there, looking at the wall, the same way he had looked at the stranger. Charlie tried to calm him down, tried to snap him back to reality. “He is here” he suddenly said and Charlie nodded and answered with an “I know”. 

Charlie finally managed to get Castiel down to earth and they agreed that he should go home. This was a huge shock for Castiel and he wasn’t sure if he could concentrate. He changed his clothes, put on his black pants, white t-shirt and his trench coat. He didn’t wear a sweater. It was too hot for that, even thought it was November. He picked up his keys and walked out. He rounded the corner of the diner when someone yelled “Hey” and he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around and there he was again, the stranger. “Are you okay?” he asked Castiel and Castiel nodded. He wasn’t able to say anything. For so long, he had been looking for him for so long and then he just appears. Castiel had imagined what he would do if he ever saw him again, but when the moment came he wasn’t able to say anything. 

Dean had the same problem, when he walked into the diner he didn’t recognize him, but he did now, now that he was wearing the trench coat. It was him and the way he reacted gave Dean confidence to ask him “do you want to go get a coffee?” He scratched the back of his head “I was going to have one in there, but they were suddenly out for a while”. This made Castiel laugh and Dean smiled, his laughter was so cute, so silent. Castiel nodded, still not able to say anything. “Come on then” he said and stared walking, Castiel following. 

They were seated at this small café, and Castiel recognized the sign, this was where he took the picture of this man. Dean had picked this café, because this was where he first saw him and he had some kind of feeling that this man had seen him to, the same way Dean had seen him. They sat in silence before Castiel finally said something, something he needed to know, “What’s your name?” Dean looked up from his cup and smiled, “Dean” he answered “what’s yours?” Castiel looked out the window and then back at Dean, “Castiel” he said low. Dean leaned back and looked at him “Castiel” he said low for himself “I like it”, Castiel’s head snapped up at Dean and he saw Dean smiling at him. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach. This was much better than looking at a picture of him, it was better actually looking at him. He was looking straight into his hazel green eyes and Dean was looking straight into his blue ones. They both felt the same thing, love, and they couldn’t take their eyes off each other. They suddenly realized that their hands where on the table, fingers tangled with each other. They quickly pulled away and both looked away, blushing. Dean had never felt like this before, never in his life, he felt the need to protect him, protect Castiel from any harm. Castiel felt the need to hold Dean, hold him close, smell his sent, kiss his neck. They needed each other, they both knew it, Dean knew it, Castiel knew it, but neither of them had the courage to say it. 

They spent hours at the café, talking getting to know each other. Dean learned that Castiel didn’t have a close relationship to his family and that he liked taking pictures, that he worked at that small diner and he had been for three years, he learned that Charlie, that read haired girl, was his best friend and he also learned that Castiel loved listening to music and he didn’t own a television. Castiel learned that Dean had a close relationship to his brother Sam and his fiancé Jess, that his mother and father were dead, that he owned a black impala, he liked hunting, he enjoyed rock and that he worked at a garage. He learned that Dean didn’t have any close friends and his best friend was his brother Sam, who he sometimes called Sammy, it stuck with him from when they were young. They had both learned a lot about each other, but none of them had told the other what their love interest was. Castiel wanted to, Dean wanted to, but they never found the time to say it. They both felt that, even if they just met, they could tell each other everything. They both paid for their coffee and when they were outside Dean asked Castiel what his plans for the rest of the day was. Castiel shrugged, he didn’t have any plans. “Do you want to come back to my place, maybe watch a movie or something?” Dean asked, hoping Castiel would say yes, even though it might be a weird question. Castiel thought about it for a minute, debating if it would be a good idea or not. Castiel had never done anything like this before, coming home to someone he just met, it was a scary thought. Dean could be a serial killer, but Castiel decided to be a little crazy today, so he said yes and they both walked to Deans car. A black Chevrolet Impala, 1967 model. Castiel was impressed by how the car looked, it was an old car, but it looked so new. “Impressed?” Dean said kind of cocky and Castiel laughed a little at his confidence, Castiel wished he could be that confident. They got in the car and Dean drove off. 

“Welcome to my home” Dean said as he opened the door to his apartment. Castiel smiled at him as he walked inside. It was bigger than his, cleaner than his. The furniture looked better, the floor looked better, even the roof looked better. Castiel felt a sting of jealousy strike him, but he shook it off, he thought, if he played the cards right and if Dean felt about him like he felt about Dean, he could might live here someday, with Dean. Castiel heard the door close behind him and Dean walked pass him, plumbing down on the couch, turning on the TV. It wasn’t a big one, it was one of those old brick televisions, but it was more than what Castiel had. He never cared for a TV, he liked his little black radio. Castiel was standing beside the kitchen counter. Looking around, the hallway, kitchen and living room was one big room, and there were two door, probably to his bedroom and bathroom. The walls were white and the floor was a light brown color. There weren’t much furniture, but it still filled the apartment. He had a bookshelf filled with books and Castiel walked over to it, pulling one out. It was an old book, looked like it could be from the 60’s. He placed it back and when he turned around he saw that Dean was looking at him, it was almost as if Dean admired him, but Castiel thought that it was just his imagination. 

He took of his trench coat and placed it on a chair. He slowly walked over to the couch and placed himself next to Dean. He could smell his perfume. It was a strong sent, but it smelled good, he was memorizing the sent. He turned his head to look at Dean and Dean was smiling at him, showing off his white teeth. Castiel stroke his arms on his thighs. He was starting to get uncomfortable and a bit nervous. Castiel pointed his attention to the picture on the TV, it looked like a TV-show. “So what movie do you want to see?” Dean asked and stood up from the couch and walked over to anther shelf, filled with movies “I have everything from comedy to horror” he turned and flashed Castiel a smile. “Comedy would be nice” “Then comedy it is” Dean picked out a movie called ‘You, me and Dupree’. 

When the movie was over Castiel looked at his watch, half past ten. It was starting to get late and he should probably start walking home. He turned his head to Dean, and he was already looking at him. Dean had been looking at him throughout the whole movie, he couldn’t take his eyes off Castiel and he kept asking himself the same question ‘is he gay?’.   
Castiel moved a little in the couch, he felt a bit uncomfortable, he wanted to be here with Dean, but he didn’t know what Dean thought about him. It was silent for a while, not an awkward silence, just silence. They both looked at each other and they both forgot time and place, staring in to each other’s eyes. The silence got broken when Dean finally found the courage to ask “So, what team do you play for Cas?” Castiel got startled by his new nickname, but he was more confused about the question, “I don’t play sports Dean” he answered and Dean laughed, Castiel didn’t understand why Dean was laughing at the fact that he didn’t play sports. “Why are you laughing?” Castiel asked and Dean pulled it together, drying a tear that had escaped his eye. He took a deep breath, filled with laughter “No, I didn’t mean that kind of team” Dean said, he looked straight into Castiel’s eyes “I meant, are you, you know, into guys or girls?” Dean immediately regretted the question falling of his lips, but there was no way he could take it back now. Castiel kept staring at him startled by the question, he wasn’t sure what to answer. Was Dean ask because he hoped he was or because he couldn’t be friends with a queer? Castiel looked around the room and Dean noticed his behavior “I didn’t mean…” he started bus Castiel cut him off with a simple “guys” and Dean felt his heart beat rise. He was looking into Castiel’s eyes and Castiel was looking back into his. “Oh” Dean said “yeah” Castiel replied, neither of them able to say anything else but simple words. You could feel the tension in the room as they gazed at each other, not saying anything at all, but still saying everything. Dean knew, he knew about Castiel and Castiel was fine with it and in some way Castiel knew, he knew about Dean. They hadn’t noticed their faces closing in until Dean’s forehead touched Castiel’s and their eyes became a blur, they were close. Castiel closed his eyes, Dean staring at his eyelids. Castiel’s breath was heavy, Dean’s was heavier. Castiel’s hand moved to Dean’s hip and Dean came closer. This was all so sudden, but neither of them cared, they had been looking for each other for months and now they found each other. The two of them had become one. 

Neither of them said anything, they sat there, foreheads pressed against one another, hands placed on the other’s body, taking in the moment, embracing it. Not wanting to ruin it with stupid words. This was the moment, the moment before the kiss, they didn’t want it to end, they wanted to stay in this moment for ever. Castiel felt Dean’s hot breath on his face and Dean felt Castiel’s. Dean raised one hand, placed it on Castiel’s face and tilted it up just a bit. Castiel’s breathing got faster, this was it, it was happening. Their mouths moved together, they danced to the rhythm of the silence. Dean’s tongue licked Castiel’s lower lip and Castiel opened his mouth. Their tongues twirled around each other, they fought for domination. The kiss was hard but passionate and full of love at the same time. Castiel pulled Dean closer, deepening the kiss, their lips pressing against each other. Dean lowered Castiel and placed himself over him, moving one hand under his t-shirt. Castiel tangled his arms around Dean’s neck and he could feel Dean smiling into the kiss. They didn’t go any further that night, they ended up sitting on the couch, Castiel in Dean’s arms, resting his head on his shoulder, watching the sun rise outside of the window.


	4. this is my present for you

The weeks flew by and before they knew it, December arrived, Christmas lights everywhere, decorations, people buying gifts and they of course had a Christmas theme in the diner, which meant that Cas would have to walk around in an elf hat and a red and white striped tie. Dean was coming more to the diner now than ever, because he enjoyed seeing Cas like that. It amused him and he though he looked cute. Cas would always tell Dean not to come, but Dean wouldn’t listen. They had been together for one month now and they were thinking about taking things to the next level, moving in with each other. Castiel thought that this wasn’t a good idea, that they should wait, but Dean, who was head over heels for Cas couldn’t wait. He didn’t want to wait. 

“When are you finished today?” Dean asked Cas, leaning over the counter, Cas was pouring coffee in some old man’s cup “Half past six, why?” he smiled politely at the man and placed the can next to the sink before giving Dean his full attention. Dean cracked a smile because of Cas’ outfit. “I wanted to take you out for dinner” he said and Cas looked at him, dead serious, “oh, where?” “that’s a surprise” Dean answered and winked at Cas. “Get a room” they heard Charlie say as she came out with two plates, one with a bacon cheese hamburger and fries and one with chicken. He placed the hamburger in front of Dean as she said “bon appetite” and kept walking with the chicken. “You know you don’t have to buy anything while being here, you can sit for free” Cas said as he dried his hand in a towel. Dean took a frie and placed it in his mouth, not breaking eye contact with Cas “I’m hungry” he said and took another one. 

It was finally half past 6 and Cas was just getting out of the diner and Dean was waiting for him outside. “Ready?” he said “where are we going?” Cas asked while putting on his trench coat. “That’s a secret and if I told you, I would have to kill you” Dean opened the car door to let Cas inside and then they drove.

They drove for a long time before Dean asked “Did you bring your camera?” Cas looked at him confused but pulled the camera out from under his coat. “Good” was all Dean said before focusing on the road. Cas felt that the ride took forever and when Dean finally stopped the car he almost ran out of it and stretched his legs. He looked at his watch, seven past nine. He looked at Dean and said “We have been driving for two and a half hour Dean” Dean just shrugged and took Cas’ hand, tangled his fingers with his. Without a word he started walking. They walked for a while, down a small road, over a river, through a forest and then Cas saw lights in the far distance. They kept walking and when Dean stopped, they were inside a clearing in the woods. There was a blanket, but nothing was on it. No food, nothing. “Weren’t we going to eat?” Cas asked and Dean smirked “Yes, I forgot”. He let go of Cas’ hand and ran back to the car. He had forgotten to bring the basket. This was the first time he had ever done something like this, doing something romantic for another person, so of course he would forget something. 

It didn’t take long before he was back with Cas and they both sat down on the blanket. Dean had brought wine and pizza. Cas laughed a little, but he thought it was very romantic, very simple, but still romantic. He never knew Dean was the type of person to do something like this. Dean put down his glass and looked at Cas, “You know” he started “This is my favorite place to go when I want to be alone”. Cas took another sip from his glass, and just let Dean continue, “you’re actually the first person I bring here”. Cas felt honored and placed his hand over Dean’s, putting his glass down and gazed at him. “I feel honored”. Dean smiled and that made Cas smile. His smile always made him smile. Dean leaned in and their lips met. “I’m so glad I found you” Dean said and Cas kissed him again, he felt the same way. Dean put his arms around Cas and pulled him close, until there was no air between them, and put his hands under his shirt. Cas tangled his arms around Dean’s neck and their mouths moved together in perfect harmony. Dean pulled off Cas’ trench coat and cas released from the kiss “here?” “Here”. Dean gently laid Cas down on his back and he was now on top of him, not once breaking the kiss. Cas put his hands under Deans t-shirt and felt around on his back. Dean removed his jacket and shirt, Cas did the same. They were now only in their pants, in the middle of the forest. The excitement turned them on. Dean unbuttoned Cas’ pants and yanked them off in one move. He always did that, like he was in a hurry, and quickly after, he removed his pants. Cas was only hoping no one would come, someone who was on a walk or another person using this place to be alone. Dean grinded against Cas and earned a moan. A load moan, as if Cas’ voice knew he was outside, far from other people and no one could hear him. In their apartments they had to be as quiet as possible while they were fooling around, so people wouldn’t hear them, but out here, they didn’t. Dean moved his hands up Cas’ leg and touched his abdomen, earning another moan. He smiled, satisfied with it. Dean lowered his head and dragged Cas’ boxers off using his teeth. Cas lifted his hips to make it easier for Dean and when they were off, Cas helped Dean off with his. Their tips touching each other, Cas took a firm grip around Dean’s penis and moved his hand, slowly, making Dean moan. “Oh Cas, baby” Cas moved faster and Dean’s moans became loader. Dean took Cas’ hand and said “not yet” and smirked. Dean placed his lips on Cas’ and moved his head up and down, using his tongue. He licked the tip and Cas used both hands to grip on the blanket, pressing his hips up. Dean stopped and Cas opened his eyes and lifted his head “No, don’t stop… please” his breathing was heavy and he was so close. Dean looked into Cas’ eyes and said “Make me all wet for you” and without hesitation Cas put all of Dean inside his mouth and sucked, making him all wet. He lowered himself and was now lying on his back. Dean spread Cas’ legs and kissed him passionately while entering him. Cas flinched at first, but with every move Dean made, the pain became pleasure. “Oh Dean, oh my… Dean… faster” Cas demanded and Dean did as he said. Cas moans became louder as Dean thrust faster, Dean’s did to and now they were moaning perfectly together, like they had rehearsed it. Dean came inside of Cas and right before Cas came Dean put his mouth around him and swallowed. They gazed at each other and they both smiled. “You know” Cas started, “this was our first time” Dean nodded “and it was quite special”. Dean leaned down and kissed Cas. After that they just laid there, after putting on their clothes, looking at the stars. Neither of them wanted to move, but they both knew they soon would have too. 

The next day Dean was working in the garage and Cas had a day off, so he decided to go see Dean. He asked for him and the man behind the desk pointed towards the open garage door. He could see Dean working on a car, a Toyota, to be exact, and he walked over to him. When Dean saw him he quickly looked at his co-workers who immediately started whistling and dry humping each other. They knew, Dean was so insecure about it in the beginning, when Cas first showed up here, but his co-workers didn’t treat him any different and didn’t think any less of him, he really appreciated that. They would treat Cas as a woman, looking at his ass and making comments to him like “Dauym gurl” and “What a nice as you got there”, but Cas knew it was all for fun. This was perfect, no one was standing in the way of their relationship. When Cas had walked all the way and was now standing next by Dean, he gave him a quick kiss and they could hear one of Dean’s co-workers say “Get a room” which to Dean replied “I’ll use yours”. Cas liked being here, he liked Dean’s co-workers, especially Bobby. He was an elder man and he was like a father to Dean. He owned this place and that was why Dean worked here. Dean and Bobby would sometimes go hunting together, but Cas didn’t want to join in on that. He wasn’t into the whole killing innocent animals thing. “Why are you here?” Dean asked, wiping his hand at a handkerchief, but it didn’t do a good job, his hands were still black. “I just wanted to say hello and bring you this” Cas lifted a brown paper bag and Dean’s eyes widened “Is that what I think it is?” Cas nodded “One extra-large bacon cheese burger and fries, plus one beer”. Dean took the bag and kissed Cas and his co-workers said something about turning gay because their girlfriends would never do something like that for them and men understanding men. Dean liked that they were jealous of him, they should be, because Cas was perfect. 

Later that day when Dean came home he saw Cas sitting on his couch, watching something on the television. Cas’ head turned towards him and a smile was shaped on his lips. Dean liked coming home to this, he wanted to come home to Cas’ face every day, if only Cas would decide to move in with him soon. He placed himself down beside Cas and put his feet on the table in front of them. They were silent for a while before Cas asked him what he wanted to Christmas. “You don’t have to get my anything” Dean said, but Cas insisted so Dean said “I want you”. Cas blushed “You already have me”, Dean laughed “Yea, but I want you here. All the time, I want you to move in with me” He took Cas’ hand and kissed it. Cas leaned back and said “maybe”. They watched TV, ate dinner and just relaxed. They both felt that this was the perfect relationship. They didn’t have to do anything special, just being with each other was special enough and no words had to be spoken, they already knew what the other person was thinking. They had only known each other for a month, but it felt like a life time. 

The time flew by and before they knew it was Christmas morning. Cas was spending it in Dean’s apartment, together with Sam and Jess. They knew about them and like everyone else did, they approved. Cas liked Sam and Jess, they were cute together and they were getting married in July. They had already sent out the invitations, but Dean was allowed to bring one, so of course he was going to bring Cas and Cas was so excited. 

They were all gathered in Dean’s living room and it was Cas’ turn to open his present from Dean. He ripped of the paper and saw a box full of film rolls. There had to be at least 20 of them, “How?” Cas’ asked, “I saved a little” Cas flung his arms around Dean and kissed him, Sam couched and they both laughed a little, they weren’t alone they had to remember. Cas handed Dean his present and Dean gave Cas a confused look “You said you weren’t gonna get me anything” Cas grinned and told him to just open it. Dean did and when the paper was off he saw a brown box. “Open it” Cas demanded and Dean did and he saw things he had already seen in Cas’ apartment. It was his radio, his clothes and all of his other personal items, the small ones that could fit in a box, he even saw a toothbrush. Dean turned his head and looked at Cas with big eyes. “I signed the papers this morning, this is my present for you” he said moving closer “roomie” and then he gave Dean a quick kiss and as he did, they heard Jess squeal. 

The whole morning Dean couldn’t take his eyes of that box, this was the best Christmas present he had ever gotten. They had gone to pick up the rest of Cas’ stuff and now everything was set in Dean’s, no, their apartment. Dean was sitting on the couch when he suddenly heard a click and a flash almost blinded him. “What the hell Cas?” he said and Cas just stood there, with a big smile plastered on his face. He kept taking pictures of Dean and he used two full rolls on it. Dean laughed and said “Don’t use it all on me. You’re not gonna have enough for the people out there” he pointed at the window. Cas sat down beside him “I don’t need to” he said and Dean asked why he didn’t. Cas placed his head on Dean’s lap and looked up at him. “They used to inspire me, but they don’t anymore, you do” he said and Dean leaned down and kissed him. Cas kept taking pictures of Dean and that night they made love, without caring who heard them.


	5. He had nine years

Dean opened his eyes and then he saw a sleeping Cas next to him, he couldn’t help but smile. This was perfect. They had been living together for two months now and everything was going fine.

They had gotten their routines. They would wake up and eat breakfast together, then shower, sometimes together, but only on days when they had plenty of time. Then they would leave for work or to do other stuff, come back, eat dinner and then watch a movie before going to bed. Sometimes, going to bed would take longer than usually, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Cas opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Dean’s hazel green eyes and his perfect smile. “Good morning angel” Dean said and Cas stretched and yawned. He laid his head on Dean’s chest and closed his eyes. He liked living with Dean, he couldn’t even remember what he was so afraid of. “Let’s travel” Dean suddenly said and Cas’ head snapped up “Really? Where!”, Dean laughed at Cas’ excitement and sat straight up in bed. “I was thinking somewhere with snow. You have been talking about snow the whole Christmas, so I was thinking New York or someplace like that” Cas sat up on he’s knees and almost jumped out of excitement. “Yes, let’s do that, let’s go somewhere there’s snow”. Dean laughed again, he loved how excited Cas got over the smallest things, just like a little child.

A week later they packed their bags and headed to New York. Dean had booked a hotel room at one of those fancy hotels because he wanted this trip to be special for Cas. He deserved it, he had been working so hard lately. Almost as if he needed extra money for something. Some days Cas would come home really tired and his face would have a shade of grey, he was getting clumsier and he could have sworn he had heard Cas throw up a few times lately. He had tried asking Cas about it, but he would always shrug it off and start talking about something different, like rude costumers and the weather.

They got the key to their room and placed their bags on the floor. There was to separate beds, but they could share, they didn’t mind sleeping close to each other. After settling in they decided to take a walk through the streets of New York. The air was moist and cold and every time their hot air hit the cold air outside it would make a small fog. Cas liked it and Dean was happy to see Cas so happy. He hadn’t really been himself lately. They walked down the street and even though it wasn’t much snow, it was enough. Cas was enjoying himself, taking pictures of Dean, other people, things around him and once in a while he would take a picture of the both of them. Dean even took a few pictures of Cas. They bought hot chocolate and walked around talking about everything. Nothing really made sense and the conversation would always break when Cas saw something he wanted to take a picture of. They were happy and Cas didn’t think he could be this happy, not after what the doctor told him a month ago.

_He was sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for the blood result and the cat scan. He had never been more nervous in his whole life. The door opened and the doctor came in. He sat down at his chair, read the paper and sighed. He looked at Cas and he could feel a lump form in his stomach. The look he got from the doctor was not a good sign. “Castiel Novak” the doctor started “I’m sorry to inform you that you tested positive for vCJD”. Cas gave the doctor a confused look so the doctor continued “That’s short for Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. This disease will attract your nerve system and you will experience depression, involuntary muscle twitching and poor coordination of movements”. Cas felt the lump move to his throat and he could barely ask, but he managed to get it out, the five words he never wanted to ask “How long do I have? Is it treatable?” the doctor sighed “No, I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do for you, and when it comes to time, the average time nine years. Again, I’m so sorry”_

They were back in the hotel room and Cas was taking of his shoes when his leg twitched and he hit his foot in the table leg. He screamed in pain and Dean rushed over to him, holding him. “Are you okay?” he asked and Cas nodded “Just hit my toe, nothing to worry about, I’m fine, just fine”. Dean didn’t believe him, but he didn’t want to argue, not here. They were going to have a good time. They were in New York for the whole weekend and Dean noticed things about Cas. He was being quieter, his legs would sometimes twitch and his balance wasn’t the best. He would sometimes almost fall and Dean would have to catch him. He would also drop things, like his arms would just stop working. Every time he asked, Cas would shrug it off. It wasn’t until three months later and Cas dropped his camera in the middle of the living room and started crying Dean forced him to talk.

He was holding him, shushing, telling him the camera was fine and it was, but Cas wouldn’t stop crying. Dean’s t-shirt was soaking in Cas’ tears. “What’s wrong baby?” Dean asked, but Cas was crying too hard to answer. “It’s okay Cas, it’s okay, just tell me what’s bothering you. Is it too much work? Hu, is that it?” Cas shook his head. He had dreaded this moment for so long, telling Dean that he was slowly dying and there was nothing they could do about it. He would only get worse. He lifted his head and looked at Dean. Dean used his thumb to remove a tear from Cas’ face. “Do you want to tell me?” Dean asked and Cas pulled it together, he could avoid this topic a little longer. “I…I just thought… the camera was broken, that’s all. You know how much…” He was cut off by Dean standing up and almost yelling at him. “God damn it Cas! I’m sick of this! Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” Cas sat there startled, he didn’t say anything so Dean continued “I try my best to make you happy, but you just seems to become more depressed, you keep dropping things, you’re body twitches from time to time and I know, Cas, I know you throw up in the night.” Cas was crying again now, but Dean didn’t care. He needed Cas to tell him what was wrong. “Nothing’s wrong” Cas said low. “Don’t fucking lie to me! I’m done!” Cas lifted his head and Dean’s heart almost broke seeing Cas like this, but his heart really broke when Cas finally said what’s wrong. “I’m dying, Dean, I’m slowly dying and there’s nothing to do about it” he cried. Dean felt the world crumble beneath his feet. He wanted to comfort Cas, but he was so mad that he had kept something like this from him. “How long have you know?” Dean asked and Cas stood up, using some time because his legs wouldn’t do as he told them to. “For about four months”. Dean turned around, walking in circles, dragging his hand though his hair. “Four months… Four fucking months and you didn’t plan to tell me?” Cas looked down, he had planned to tell him, but he never found the right words and now it happened, what he feared the most, Dean would get mad for keeping it from him for too long. “I’m sorry” Cas said. Dean wanted to say it’s okay and hug him, but he couldn’t. Instead he said something he knew he would regret.

“Just leave. I’m done! Take your things and leave”.

Cas was heartbroken, sitting on Charlie’s couch. She knew Dean had kicked him out, but she didn’t know the reason. She was really mad at Dean, but Cas told her not to. He told her he had lied to him and he had all rights to be mad. She comforted him, made him tea, they watched a movie and talked until Cas fell asleep. Charlie stroke his hear and kissed his forehead before going to bed. That night Cas dreamt about Dean, dreamt about his touch, his kiss, his smell. He dreamt about the picket fence, he dreamed about a future, a future he would never get, because he had nine years.


	6. They were trying to become one

“Dean” Sam said on the other end of the call “It’s been four years, he never did you anything bad, you were being an ass”. Dean nodded, he knew he had. Cas never did anything wrong, he had overreacted, but he was too stubborn to admit it to anyone. No one could know he made a mistake, which was only for him to know, but Sam knew him to well. “You made a huge mistake” he continued “He need’s you, if what you told me is true he only has five years, damn, he might even be dead” Dean stroke his hair “No he’s not. I see him everyday” he said and Sam got quiet “how? Wait, no Dean, are you?” “Stalking him?” Dean sighed “No, well, I check on him from time to time. I just walk past the diner, he looks happy you know”. Sam sighed, Dean could hear that he was frustrated. “Dean, seriously, do you really think he’s happy? He’s dying and you left him in his darkest time, how can he be happy?” “He’s smiling” Dean snapped and Sam only said “you’re smiling to are you happy?” and then he hung up. 

Dean put down the phone, Sam was right. Dean wasn’t happy. He hadn’t been for four years. He couldn’t concentrate at work, all he could think about was Cas and how stupid he had been. How of an ass he had been to him. He loved him, he really did, why did he ask him to leave? Cas needed him, he needed to be comforted, to be told that everything was going to be fine and he had left him out in the cold. He was always thinking about if he had a place to stay, if he was safe, if he was feeling fine when he woke up, if he was getting worse. Dean knew he had made a huge mistake, the biggest mistake in his life. He picked up the phone and threw it at the wall. He was so angry, at himself, he had been selfish, stupid. He was so angry. He tied his fist and punched the lamp of the table, threw the table upside down. He threw anything he could get his hands on, except one item, a little black radio, Cas’ little black radio. He had forgotten it four years ago and he never came to pick it up. Dean held it in his hands as he felt tears stream down his face, what had he done.   
____________________

Cas was serving a family their dinner, he was being extra careful because he knew that he could suddenly just drop it, without any warning. He had at some level learned to live with his disease, what he couldn’t learn to live with was his time. It had been five years, he had four left, if the doctors were right. He had checkups, not to see if he got better, but how quickly he got worse. It didn’t go as quick as he thought, but not as slow as the doctors thought. They had now given him the words “you are lucky if you live nine years”. Cas knew that meant he wouldn’t make it through 9 years, he was never the lucky one. He got sick and the one he loved left him. How could he be lucky? Charlie knew, of course she knew, she didn’t even have to ask. She offered him to stay with her because she didn’t want him to be alone. The manager knew, he had to know, but he let Cas keep his job, it took things of his mind and that made him a little less depressed. He knew if he was sitting home all day he would only think of Dean and he didn’t want that. He missed him too much and it would only hurt. Sometimes he wanted to listen to music, but he couldn’t. He had left his radio at Dean’s place and he didn’t have the courage to go get it. Dean probably didn’t want to see him.

Cas’ shift was over and he was walking to Charlie’s apartment. She was working late today, but she would be home before Cas went to bed. It was November, the same month he had met Dean for the first time. It hurt. He still had all the pictures of him, hidden in a little shoe box under Charlie’s couch, just like he had back home, only a different scenario. Cas was walking down the side walk when a familiar face walked towards him. He recognized the leather jacket. He could pick that one out from every leather jackets in the whole world. Cas wanted to cross the street, but there was no way he could do that without getting hit by a car. He lowered his head, hoping Dean wouldn’t see him or recognize him. When he walked pass Dean he heard a low and soft “I’m sorry” and that made Cas stop. He turned around, arm twitched, and said “You’re sorry?” Dean turned around, tears filling his eyes and Cas just wanted to hold him, like he did before. “Yes” Dean answered. Cas wasn’t sure what to say, people were walking pass them, sometimes bumping into them, like they didn’t even see them there. 

“This is not a good place to talk” Cas said and lost his balance when a guy bumped into him. Dean ran over to him, on reflex, and caught him right before he hit the ground. “That could have ended bad” Dean said and Cas smiled. He looked into Dean’s hazel green eyes and forgot everything that had happened. He forgot the disease, he forgot the fight, he forgot it all. Dean felt the same way, but the quilt still stuck with him. He couldn’t get rid of that so easily. He helped Cas to his feet and brushed of him. “I’ll let you keep going” he said and turned around, but before he could walk any further Cas grabbed his arm and held it “Don’t let me go, no again”. Dean couldn’t fight it, a tear escaped his eye and Cas tilted his head, using one thumb to remove it. “It’s okay” he said and Dean shook his head, but Cas replied “it’s okay”. 

They were sitting on the couch in Deans apartment, Cas had told Charlie about it and she was of course trying to talk Cas out of it, but he wasn’t going to be talked out of anything. He got his things, thanked Charlie for being there for him and left with Dean. He had his arm around Cas and they were watching the black screen on the TV, only their reflection showing. Cas looked up at Dean and he saw that he was smiling. Dean turned his head and kissed Cas on his head. They made love again that night.   
The next morning Dean woke up, happy to see Cas lying next to him. When Cas woke up, he felt the same way. Every day was the same. The routines were back, waking up, breakfast, shower, work, dinner, bed. Cas would take more pictures than he did before, of Dean, of himself, of them both, of everything they did, even the small things. He wanted Dean to have pictures to look back at. He had three years left. They had seen grand canyon, they had been to Hawaii, they had been taking a road trip, almost through all of USA and they were happy. 

“I missed you” Dean said suddenly while they were lying in bed, holding around each other, “I missed you too” Cas replied and smiled. 

“I love you” Dean whispered, Cas whispered back “I love you too, but why are we whispering?” Dean laughed “I don’t know baby”. Cas hugged himself tighter to Dean and Dean pressed him even closer as if they were trying to become one.


	7. That night he dreamt about Dean

“You look great” Dean said as Cas was staring at himself. The disease had gotten to him and he felt that he looked worse day by day, he didn’t, it was just in his head. He had one year. “I swear, you look just the way you did a year ago. Nothing has changed, if anything, you look better” Cas turned his head to the side, Dean walking closer, placing his arms around his waist, kissing his cheek. “You get more beautiful every day angel”. Cas smiled weakly and turned his head back to the mirror, looking at his face. He knew Dean was lying, he had grey bags under his eyes, his skin was pale and he looked almost dead. “I know what you’re thinking” Dean quickly said “You’re looking at the color of your skin and the bags under your eyes. That’s just because you haven’t been outside for three whole months, darling, there’s nothing wrong with you”. Dean placed his chin on Cas’ shoulder and they looked at each other in the mirror. They looked perfect together, like they belonged. “I love you” Cas said and Dean kissed his shoulder “I love you too darling” he moved away from Cas, “Now, let’s get you dressed and I’ll take you to dinner”. Cas looked down “I really don’t feel like going out” Dean took his hand “bullshit, C’mon. It will be fun”. Cas sighed “What if I..” Dean cut him off “What if you what? Fall? Drop something? No one cares, people do that every day, they don’t know that you’re sick. They don’t judge”. Dean felt so sorry for Cas, the one who was so full of life was now drained for every bit of energy he had ever had. Cas felt sorry for Dean who had to put up with him through this. 

They went out to eat, they had a good time, Cas laughed, Dean laughed, Cas smiled, Dean smiled, Cas was happy, Dean was happy. For a moment they forgot about everything and they were back to the day they first met, Dean’s hazel green eyes, shining in the sun, not a glimpse of what they had been though. Cas smiled as Dean waved his hand in front of Cas’ face, repeating his name over and over again. He tilted his head and kept smiling, Dean asking if he was okay. “I’m okay, I’m more than okay” he said low to himself. Embracing this moment of happiness, then his face got wet and when he opened his eyes Dean was sitting in front of him with an empty glass of water and big eyes, mouth wide open. Cas blinked and looked around. Looking at Dean, at the café, this were not where they had gone to dinner. Cas looked around, more confused than ever, he moved his arms, nothing, his legs, nothing. He stood up and walked around, nothing. He sat back down with Dean. “are you okay?” he asked “do you want to go home?” Cas gazed at Dean “what?” Cas didn’t understand what just happened. Dean kept staring at him and the rest of the café did as well. “We were talking about what we wanted in our future and then you just drifted off. You’ve been silent for at least 10 minutes now, just staring into thin air” Dean cracked a smile “Were you day dreaming?” he leaned closer to Cas “about me maybe?” 

A couple of hours later Cas was sitting in his small apartment, listening to music on his radio, but he didn’t pay any attention to it, had he really been day dreaming, all of that? He shook his head. So Dean never liked him, they never shared a kiss, they never fell in love, he never got sick, they never broke up, nothing of that ever happened. Did Dean even like him? After they were done at the café Dean dropped Cas of at his apartment and now he was sitting here, alone. He had gotten Dean’s number, if he ever wanted to do something one day, but nothing more than that. Not a kiss, not a hug, nothing. It felt weird, having a dream like that and then being snapped back into reality. He walked over to the radio and turned down the volume. It was only ten minutes to seven, but he was tired, so very tired. He got undressed and got into bed, pulling the duvet over him and slowly drifting a sleep. That night he dreamt about Dean.


	8. This was love at first sight

Dean woke up earlier than he usually does, he glanced at his watch, six past eight. He stretched and pulled the duvet to the side, slowly getting out of bed. He pulled away the curtains and looked at the world moving under him, busy people, on a Sunday morning. He laughed at them, they had the chance to stay inside and relax, but instead they would run around outside doing stupid thing. He checked his phone, nothing. He sighed, he had hoped Castiel would have called him or sent a text. When their hands had touched yesterday he could feel butterflies going crazy in his stomach. He really liked Castiel and he wanted to get to know him. He checked on the internet to see if the diner Cas worked at was open, it was, but not yet, not until nine. That wasn’t long, but then he wondered if Cas was working today. It was a chance he had to take. He knew he had told Cas to call, but he just couldn’t wait. He took a quick shower and got dressed, not anything fancy, but fancy enough. He wanted to look good for Cas.

Cas had just woken up, it was two past ten, he would start work in about an hour, which gave him enough time to shower and get dressed. On the way to the diner all he could think about was Dean, his eyes, his smile, his little daydream about the two of them. It was weird, as if the universe tried to tell him that it was okay to be with Dean, but there would be consequences. He shook it off as he walked into the diner and the little bell made a high noise. He smiled politely at the costumers and walked in the back. There he saw Charlie putting something in her locker. She turned around and smiled when she saw Cas.

“He’s here” she said and lead Cas to the door, she pointed though the little round window and there he sat, all alone, eating a bacon cheese burger with fries, just like in Cas’ day dream. This was all so weird. He looked at Charlie and she gave him a thumb up. “He’s your costumer today” she grinned and Cas rolled his eyes “you’re pathetic you know!” Charlie just laughed and snapped back “You know you like it” before winking at him, leaving Cas for himself, laughing quietly.

Cas got changed and headed out to work. He first filled the coffee cups for the regular customers that were sitting at the counter, but he was constantly looking at Dean, hoping he would look at him too. Dean knew Cas was working now, he had seen him come in the front door, but he decided not to disturb him. He would just sit here until they would ask him to buy something else and hopefully that person telling him that would be Cas. Cas kept pouring coffee and serving small plates of food to the costumers, watching Dean, who was eating his food suspiciously slow. Charlie would occasionally hint for him to go over and ask him if he wanted something else, but Cas pretended that he didn’t see her or understand what she was signalizing to him. Charlie would roll her eyes and sigh. Both Dean and Cas watched each other from a distance, until Dean had finished his food and Cas had to go over to him and ask if he wanted something else before handing him the bill. He slowly walked over to the table where Dean was seated, pulled out his notebook and pen “anything else you want sir?” he said very politely, he treated him just like any other costumer. Dean looked up at Cas, smirking, this was his chance “Yes, actually, I do”. Cas got ready to write, “I want you” Dean said and Cas started writing, mumbling for himself _‘One you’_ before he realized what Dean had meant and then Dean was already laughing so hard the whole diner was looking at him. Cas was startled by his request and put down his notebook and picked up Dean’s plate. “I’ll come with your bill in just a minute” and then he walked off, leaving Dean confused and a bit hurt, but Cas had a plan.

After ten minutes Cas was back with Dean’s bill, but he handed it to him with the backside up, where he had written _‘I get off at 5, meet me outside’_. Cas winked at Dean and he could feel the butterflies again as Cas walked away, clearly checking out his ass.

The day flew buy for Castiel, there were so many costumers and so much to do, but for Dean the day was agonizing slow. He counted the minutes until he could see Cas again. He didn’t know why he was attracted to this man, but he just was. When the clock read five past five, Cas walked out of the diner and there he saw Dean waiting for him, leaning against his black impala. Dean opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Cas’ face, smiling at him waving. Dean waved back and then Cas was standing right in front of him. They gazed at each other and without thinking Dean cupped his hand on Cas’ cheek and leaned in. Their lips met and Cas didn’t pulled away, if anything, he pulled closer.They stood like this for a while, until someone couched at them, probably because they were uncomfortable with love. They both laughed at this and got into Dean’s car.

They drove to movie theater to watch a movie and spent the rest of the evening walking around, talking.

“So, yesterday,” Dean started, taking a bite of his pizza while they walked down the pier “your daydream. What was it about?” Cas almost chocked on his pizza, so he had to stop and couch, Dean patted his back, trying to help him. Cas lifted a hand, signalizing that he was fine, before raising back up to a normal position. “uhm” Cas started “You know, life”. Dean didn’t buy it, so he asked again “Did you daydream about me?” Cas shot him a stare and smiled “You’re very cocky you know that?” Dean laughed and he made Cas feel comfortable just by laughing, so he told Dean everything. About their relationship, Cas getting sick, Dean asking him to leave, they getting back together and then he was back at the café. Dean was startled by this, but found it charming that Cas would daydream about him.

They didn’t mention it more that night, they just walked around, looking at people, Cas snapping a picture occasionally and Dean laughing every time he did. He found everything about Cas charming, the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he would laugh when Dean laughed and how he acted like a child when he got excited.

Cas was standing in front of the fence, looking out on the beach and Dean was standing behind him and in that moment he could see his whole future, a house with a picket fence, lawnmower, children and friendly neighbors, all of this, and he had it all with Cas. He knew in that moment that this was love, after only two days he had fallen head over heels for Cas. He never thought it was possible, but he had been proven wrong, this was it, this was love at first sight and he wondered if Cas felt the same.


	9. The way you kiss me

Dean woke up, with a smile on his face, he had been dreaming of Cas again. He hadn’t seen him for a week. They had both been busy working. Dean had a lot to do in the garage and Charlie had been sick, so Cas had to work her shifts too. Dean felt bad for him, having to spend so much time inside that diner. Today Dean had a day off so he decided to have dinner where Cas worked. Just so he could see him. Dean missed Cas, he never thought he would feel this way about another man, but this wasn’t just any man, this was Cas. The most perfect human being he had ever seen. Dean stumbled out of bed and got in the shower. The pipes made a high pitch noise before the water started pouring out and the hot water touched his skin. He found himself daydreaming about Cas and was snapped out of it by someone yelling his name.

“Dean?” it was Sam, he turned off the water and dried himself off. He put on some clothes and opened the bathroom door, “Hey Sammy”. He walked into the living room and joined his little brother on his couch. “What’s up?” Dean placed his legs on his table and leaned his head back, thinking about Cas again.

“I was just wondering if you had found a plus one to me and Jess’ wedding.” Dean’s eyes opened at looked at his brother, he shook his head “not yet”. He was wondering if he was going to ask Cas or if that was too soon. Going to a wedding together would make them in a serious relationship right? What if Cas didn’t want that? Sam sighed.

“Well, you don’t have to bring a girlfriend” Dean shifted position with the word girlfriend, Sam didn’t know yet. He had forgotten to tell him. “You can bring a friend if you want, but I would like to meet him or her first” Sam continued and Dean couldn’t help but smile. “I might bring a friend, I just have to ask him first”. Sam raised an eyebrow at the word him, but just let it pass. Sam had suspicions that Dean might be into the same sex as him, but he didn’t want to ask, he wanted Dean to tell him himself. “And” Dean continued “if he says yes, I’ll let you meet him”. Sam nodded and they talked for a while about what they both had been up to lately.

Sam had just had his last exam and was waiting for the results, whatever the results on this exam was would determine if he became a lawyer or not, and what goes for Dean, he had just been working in the garage. He also told Sam about Cas, but not the kissing part, just that he had met a new guy who he had befriended. After talking for ages Sam had to leave, he was going to pick up Jess and they were going shopping for decorations, but first they were going to eat dinner.

“You want to come with us Dean?”

Dean turned his head to look at his brother who was halfway out the door of his apartment, “To buy decorations?” Sam laughed and shook his head “No, I don’t trust you with that type of thing” Dean laughed too “I meant dinner, do you want to join us for dinner?” Dean thought about it and he noticed that he was getting a bit hungry, but eating dinner with Sam and Jess would mean he couldn’t eat dinner where Cas worked. “Ah, what the hell” he said to his own thought, he could see Cas tomorrow, Sam raised an eyebrow “I’m coming with you guys, just wait a sec”. Dean stood up, found his leather jacket and put on his shoes before leaving with Sam.

They picked up Jess where she worked, a little clothing store in the middle of town, an expensive one. While they waited Dean was looking at a trench coat quite similar to Cas’ and he thought about Cas the rest of the way. He didn’t even notice which diner they had entered before the waiter asked what they wanted. Dean looked up and almost chocked on his own breath when he saw Cas standing there, smiling, as cute as always.

“Cas…?” Dean said and Cas smiled nodding, “already forgotten me?” he asked, playing worried. Dean got nervous “No, no, I haven’t, I just…” he looked at Sam and Jess, and then around the diner. They had taken him here, to eat. Did they know?

“So what do you guys want to eat? I would recommend the bacon cheese burger, it’s quite delicious” Cas said and winked at Dean, which resulted in Dean choking on his breath again. Sam stared at his brother, getting more and more suspicious about his relation to the waiter Cas. Sam ordered a salad, Jess ordered chicken and Dean of course ordered the bacon cheese burger. When their food and drinks had arrived, Dean barely touched his, he was busy looking at Cas while he was working.

“Dean?” Sam said “Dean are you okay?” Dean snapped out of his thoughts about Cas and looked at his brother, giving him a smile. “So is Cas your new friend?” Sam said, struggling to hold back a little laughter on the word friend. Dean nodded and continued on his food. When they were almost finished Cas returned to the table and asked if there was anything else they wanted. Dean looked at him and mouthed _‘You’_ which resulted in Cas blushing. Sam caught up on all of this and when they had paid and was in the car again Sam couldn’t help but ask.

“So, this Cas, he’s something special, hu?” Dean, who was staring out the window, looked at the back of his brother’s head. “He’s something alright, but special?” Dean thought about it, Cas was special, he was something special, he was Dean’s something special. He was something new, exciting, something right, but could he tell Sam about it so soon? He had just figured it out himself. Sam looked in the review mirror and raised an eyebrow at his brother. Dean decided to just tell him.

“We kissed” Dean said and Jess, who had been quiet the whole ride almost screamed out a “what?!” Dean told him about when he first saw the man in the trench coat, how he had been spending months trying to find him, that they had been drinking coffee together when they found each other, Cas’ daydream, the kiss, the pier and him daydreaming about Cas. Sam listened closely and when Dean stopped talking Sam said “I’m happy for you”.

Dean looked at his brother in confusion “what?” Sam shrugged “Yeah, I mean, you’ve never been happy with all the girls you’ve been with and the way you talk about Cas, that was his name right?” Dean nodded “It just seems as if it is meant to be”. Dean looked out the window “Yeah, but, I don’t know man”. Sam sighed “Dean, come one, some things are meant to be and this is one of those things”. Dean gave his brother a smile before leaving the car. He was right, him and Cas were meant to be.

**_______________________**

Two days later Cas was lying on his couch, reading a book, listening to music, when his phone started ringing. He picked it up, hesitantly, who would call him so early? He looked at his watch, eleven past three. “Oh” he said low, he had been so caught up in this book, he hadn’t noticed the time.

“Hello? Cas, you there?” he heard from the other end, “Yeah I’m here”.

“Good, It’s Dean, by the way” Cas felt his heart beat rise, he hadn’t seen or spoken with Dean in two days. Cas was unable to talk so Dean continued “Can I come over?” Cas nodded, then getting aware of the fact that Dean couldn’t see him. “eh, yes”. “great, I’ll be there in a few” and then the line went silent.

Fifteen minutes later there was a knock on Cas’ door and he placed down the book he had been reading all day to get the door. Dean was standing there smiling, which made Cas smile. He stepped aside to let Dean inside. When inside, Cas closed the door and looked at Dean’s back. “Nice place” he said and walked further into the apartment. He peaked in a door which led to the kitchen, “small, but cozy” Dean said and turned on his heels to face Cas. “uhm, yeah, thanks… I guess”.

Cas was extremely nervous. He knew how he felt about Dean, he was head over heels for him, but he wasn’t sure if Dean felt the same. They hadn’t spoken to each other for a long time now. Maybe Dean regretted the kiss, the day at the pier, maybe he was trying to tell Cas that he only wanted to be friends. “So” Dean said to break the silence “anything you want to do?” Cas looked at Dean, there were things he wanted to do, so badly, but suggesting that would not be a good idea. So instead he shrugged and went over to removed his book, he had to be careful around Dean. He didn’t want to get his hopes up and then watched them crash if Dean ever said _‘let’s just be friends’_.

Dean walked around the apartment, looking at everything. It was as if he examined the apartment. He stopped in front of the little black radio and turned it on. He kept spinning the big button, saying “it won’t work”. Cas laughed and walked over, pulling out the silver antenna “like this” Cas said and turned his head to look at Dean, their faces only inches away. “oh” Dean said, not able to say anything else. He kept turning the button, until he heard music playing low. He turned up the volume.

‘Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes   
Some things are meant to be’

 _‘Some things are meant to be’_ Dean thought to himself, that was what Sam had told him two days ago after Dean telling him about Cas.

‘Take my hand’

Dean had never heard this song before, not that he could remember, but he turned around and reached out his hand for Cas.

‘for I Can’t help falling in love with you’

It was exactly what Dean felt, this song explained it, his feelings for Castiel, when he heard the sentence go again he sang along “for I can’t help falling in love with you”.

Cas laughed and walked over to Dean’s hand and took it. Dean pulled him close “to bad the song ended” Dean said low and Castiel nodded saying a low “mhm”. Their foreheads touching, eyes closed, just standing there, ignoring the man on the radio talking about the traffic. They stood there, holding each other. “I’m head over heels for you Cas” Dean said and Cas lifted his head to look at Dean. “I…” Cas started and Dean removed a piece of hair from Cas’ forehead before leaning in and their lips touched. Dean pulled back and gazed into Cas’ bright blue eyes. “I know” Dean said “I can feel it in the way you kiss me”. Cas smiled and Dean pulled him in for a hug, so tight, it seemed like he never wanted to let go and Cas didn’t want him to either. He wanted to stay here, in this moment, forever.


	10. Forever is a long time

“Cas! Cas” Dean shook Cas’ shoulder as he tried to wake him up for the third time. He was not one to be wakening today. “You’re gonna be late for work boy”. Cas turned around and flashed a smile to Dean before he turned around again and pulled the duvet over his head. “Come one Cas!” Dean pulled the duvet off him and in that moment Cas lifted his body, took a grip on Dean’s arms and pulled him down, having him hovering on top of him. Cas smirked as Dean had a confused  look on his face. “What the hell Cas?” Cas just laughed tiredly and Dean sighed “You’re gonna get yourself fired you know that!” Cas just shook his head _‘No’_ and Dean got even more confused. Cas sighed when Dean never caught up.

“I don’t have work today” Cas started “Charlie is back”. Dean rolled his eyes and then laughed. “You’re impossible” Dean said, still holding his body over Cas’. Cas just laughed and pulled Dean down to kiss him. He could feel Dean smile into the kiss, which made Cas smile even more.

“Hungry?” Dean asked as he jumped off Cas and started walking out of his bedroom. Cas tried to see if he could feel any hunger, but nothing, he nodded _‘yes’_ anyway, because he knew Dean would start questioning him if he wasn’t. He always worried too much. Cas found it charming thou, but he didn’t want the _‘are you sick’_ question one more time, unless he really was sick.

They ate pancakes that morning, laughing about stupid things none of them could remember five minutes later. It was a peaceful morning and they both wanted every morning to be like this, that’s why Cas had moved in with Dean two months ago, after only one moth of dating. He felt that he knew Dean well enough to just go for it and it seemed to work.

“What do you want to do today?” Dean asked while cleaning the plates. Cas walked over to him, placed his arms around his waist, holding his wrists, and kissed the back of his shoulder. “Stay here, with you, forever”. Dean laughed and loosened Cas’ grip on him to turn around.

“Forever is a long time” Dean said, eyes closed

“I’d stay here with you, forever” Cas replied, eyes open, gazing at Dean, the love of his life.

Dean laughed and opened his eyes “You really are impossible darling” he said as he turned back to the dishes. “I know you like a challenge” he hard Cas say as he walked away and then he heard the sound of the couch as Cas sat down.

They spent the whole day at that couch, watching TV, telling jokes, kissing. This day was perfect, like every Sunday. None of them were working, they didn’t have the pressure on them from the world outside these four walls. Time was their own and they could spend it just as they wanted, all twenty four of them and they liked it that way.

The next day there were sitting in the impala, Cas’ watch showing exactly three in the morning. Dean said Cas should get some pictures of the sunrise when the sun comes up from the ocean. He said he had seen it once with Sam and that it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, besides Cas. That statement had Cas blush 50 shades of red. They were now sitting in the impala on the top of a hill, ready to walk down to the beach as soon as the sun would rise. Cas was leaning his head on Dean’s shoulder and Dean had his arm wrapped around his boy. Dean smiled with his eyes closed and Cas watched the sky, not wanting to fall asleep and miss the moment.

“It’s happening” Dean said and I pulled his arm way from Cas, unaware of himself falling asleep, Cas opened his eyes and rubbed them. “Good thing I didn’t fall asleep hu?” Dean said as he opened the car door and stepped out, running around to the other side, opening for Cas. Cas stepped out and gave Dean a quick kiss before leaning back in and picking out his polaroid. He took Dean’s hand, intertwined their fingers and they both walked down to the shore.

The sun rose in the far distance, making the sky bright pink with a hint of orange, the clouds catching the color of the sky as chameleons, blending in perfectly. The waves hit shore and made their way up the dry sand, but never hitting Cas’ shoes. He was standing there, taking picture after picture, the last one, more beautiful than the other. Suddenly Cas turned to Dean and said “Stand in front of the ocean”. Dean didn’t ask any questions and Cas started taking more pictures. Dean then reached out his hand and took the camera from Cas and placed his boy where he had just been standing and started taking pictures. Not as well as Cas, he couldn’t quite figure out the polaroid, but it didn’t matter. Memories are memories, and they’re better if they come straight from the heart of the person making them.

Dean placed the camera on the sand and walked down to Cas, pulling him close and kissing him before saying “Sorry darling”. Cas stood there with a confused look, but not for long. Suddenly his whole body was wet and his clothes tugged to his body as they were a part of his own skin. Dean stood there laughing, until Cas jumped on him and dragged him down in the water with him. They fooled around in the ocean until the sun was up and then they sat on the sand looking at the horizon.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Cas said, never taking his eyes of the beauty in front of him. “It is” Dean said “but not as beautiful as you”. Cas turned his head and Dean kissed him, their lips moved together and they both were in need of air, but they didn’t care. If they were going to die, right here, right now, they were fine with it.

“Imagine” Cas began on the way back to the impala “just sailing”. Dean squeezed Cas’ hand, gentle, and pulled him closer, kissing his head. “imagine” he confirmed.

They got back to the apartment and looked at the pictures they had taken. Cas wrote small notes on the ones he liked the best and placed them back in his pocket, leaving a few on the table.

“What about these?” Dean asked, referring to the pictures just lying there. “You take them” Cas said and placed his head in Dean’s lap “they’re yours”. Dean leaned his head back and they both slowly drifted asleep.


	11. Please wake up

“So, what about a white one?” Cas asked Dean, looking at the couches in a magazine. They had moved in together just about a week ago, after dating for seven months. Dean were placing some plates back in the cabinet. He turned around and sat down next to Cas at the kitchen table, looking at the furniture.

“Why is this important? We have a couch” he took the magazine from Cas and placed it on the counter. “We have more important things to do” he smirked and stood up from the chair and walked into the bathroom, leaving Cas in confusion.

“What?” he yelled at Dean, who was now in the shower, he could hear the water.

He never got any reply and the sound of the shower being used stopped and there was complete silence for a while, before Dean opened the door and walked out, with only a towel hanging lose on his waist. It looked like it was about to fall off anytime now.

“The rehearsal dinner” Dean said and walked into their bedroom “it’s starts in 1 hours”.

Cas threw himself of the chair and ran into the shower, cleaned up as fast as he could and then didn’t used more than 5 minutes to put on his suit.

“And you couldn’t have told me a bit earlier?” Cas asked and glared at Dean. “I thought you remembered” Dean said and opened the door.

“Does it look like I remembered?”

On the way home from the rehearsal dinner they sang along to the music in the car and laughed at everything, Cas being just slightly tipsy made it even funnier for Dean. He would sometimes say things he never intended to say and covered his mouth right after saying it. They even talked about them being engaged and maybe they could get married one day.

“You look fine” Dean said to his brother who was staring at himself in the mirror, not sure if the suit was fitting well enough or if his hair looked good. He was really nervous and Dean could tell.

“It’s going to be fine, you’ll get married, have good time and then live the rest of your life with Jess, being happy” Dean said, placing a hand on his brothers shoulder. Sam smiled and then it was time.

Dean was standing by Sam’s side at the altar and he looked down at Cas, smiling, thinking about them maybe being up here saying yes to each other. Well, not exactly here, they couldn’t get married in a church, but that didn’t matter. Dean could get married to Cas in a cave if that’s what it took.

The ceremony was beautiful and both Sam and Jess managed to say “I do”. The dinner was even better and this time, Cas got drunk. Dean had to escort him to the car and carry him inside.

Cas woke up the next day with an extreme headache and he remembered drinking too much at Sam and Jess’ wedding. He buried his head in his hands, hoping he didn’t embarrass himself.  He slowly climbed out of bed and headed into the kitchen to get some water and on the fridge there was a note.

_'Good morning sunshine._

_I see you’re awake. I bet your head is killing you, well there’s aspirin on the counter and water in the fridge and don’t be nervous, the only embarrassing thing you did yesterday was throwing up when we got home, you behaved._

_I’m out hunting with Bobby, some of us don’t have a hangover and I didn’t want to wake you so I wrote this instead. I don’t know when you’ll wake up and see this, and the time of my return will depend on when you read this, I left at 9 am, so I guess from that you can count 4 to 5 hours. Maybe I get back before you wake up… anyway._

_Have a nice day, don’t do anything stupid, I love you._

_Dean.'_

Cas laughed and placed the note on the kitchen table and looked at his watch, it said eight past eleven, so Dean would be home in 2-3 hours. He took some aspirin, made himself some eggs and turned on his radio.

He opened his eyes, jumping from waking up, because he couldn’t remember falling asleep. The radio was still on and Cas decided it could be. He looked at his watch, half past six. He rubbed his eyes and yelled “Dean?” no reply. He stood up from the couch and walked into the bedroom, only to find the bed empty, the bathroom door was open so he wasn’t in there. Cas scratched the back of his head and looked around. Dean’s shoes and jacket were gone, he might have come home, but went out again when he had seen Cas sleeping. He sat back down at the couch and picked up his phone, only to see eight missed calls from Bobby, how did he sleep though that?

The phone ringed three times and then a husky voice replied.

“Hello…”

“Hey Bobby, you have called me? Is something wrong? Is Dean okay?”

He heard Bobby sigh and then he heard some woman say “I’m just here to check his blood pressure”. There was a silence for a while and then he heard a door shut.

“Bobby?! Where’s Dean?”

Bobby didn’t reply, Cas could only hear his heavy breath and then he heard some peeping noise, which confirmed Cas’ thought. Dean was in a hospital. He hung up and quickly pulled on his shoes and trench coat, ran out the apartment and down in the streets. He got a cab and told the driver to take him to the hospital. Then he remembered, he forgot to turn of the radio.

At the hospital Cas asked for Dean Winchester’s room and the old lady behind the desk gave him the direction. The walk to it felt like it took forever and Cas had to force his legs to walk. He wasn’t sure what was going to meet him when he got in there. Maybe his foot was just broken or something, it couldn’t be more serious than that. He stopped in front of a door, Dean’s door, and his heart stopped beating. He had to go inside, but he was afraid it might be more than a broken foot. Bobby didn’t sound like it was only a broken foot. He slowly pushed the door open and he saw Bobby’s back, with his front towards an almost lifeless body, Dean’s almost lifeless body.

Cas rushed over to the bedside and grabbed Dean’s hand. He felt tears run down his face when he saw the breathing mask and all the tubes. He heard the heart monitor, which gave him some comfort, because that showed that Dean was alive, but it was as if Bobby could read his mind.

“It’s the machine” he said “it’s keeping him alive”

Cas let himself fall into the chair behind him and covered his face with his hands. Dean’s life was hanging on the support of a machine. He wiped the tears away and looked at Bobby, who had his head bent down, holding Dean’s hand.

“What happened?”  

Bobby lifted his head and met Cas’ stare. His eyes were watery and red. He let out a long and deep sigh before turning his head to look at Dean.

“We were out hunting, ready to call it an end, when we got unlucky”

_The wind blew softly and made the trees dance above them. Some birds landed in one of the trees to take a break from their everyday flying. Bobby was walking right back Dean as they searched the forest for any animal._

_“I think the forest is all out” Dean said jokingly “I’m gonna have to send a complain to the manager”_

_Bobby laughed as Dean closed his eyes and folded his hands, never saying any prayer, just laughing and then they kept going. They walked for a while and then Dean spotted a deer. He put his finger up to his mouth, to signal for Bobby to be quiet. He nodded and they snuck up to the deer, so they could get a clear shot. The deer raised his head and moved his ears, so Dean and Bobby stopped. When the deer lowered his head back to the grass, Bobby loaded his gun and got ready to shot if Dean missed._

_Dean got down on one knew and pointed the gun at the deer, taking one shot, but missing by only an inch. While standing up he lost balance and fell. Bobby cursed that he missed to and then he saw Dean lying on the ground, not moving. He ran up to him and then he saw a dark, red stain in his shirt._

“He fell in front of my shot”

Cas felt his heart fall down to his stomach and shatters into a thousand pieced, cutting open his insides. His vision was foggy because of all the tears and he couldn’t say anything, his throat only allowing him to make hiccup sounding noises when he tried. He took Dean’s hand and squeezed it.

“Please wake up” he whispered and lowered his head to pray for Dean’s life.


	12. It was Dean

Cas was holding Dean’s hand, hoping, praying that he would soon wake up. The doctor said that he would never wake up and they were just waiting for his brother, Sam, to come sign the papers to shut off the machine. That decision had to be made by a family member. Cas shut his eyes and he felt his heart, it was still beating, but not as fast and hard like it used to. It was as with Dean gone, he was slowly dying himself. He thought back to all the memories he had with Dean. The first time he saw him, the first time they had coffee, the first time they kissed, the first time they made love, their first everything and he knew that he would never experience anymore first with Dean.

Sam would be gone for just a few more days, he canceled the honeymoon when he got the message about Dean, but there was no flights back before Monday, it was Saturday. Cas had two days with Dean before he would be gone forever. If it was up to Cas the machine would never be turned off, but the doctors said that was for the best.

“He feels now” he said “when the machine is on and all he feel is pain, because his body is shutting down, he can feel himself dying”.

Cas swallowed and opened his eyes.

“He can hear you, talk to him” the doctor also said “he won’t answer, but he can hear it”

Cas intertwined his fingers with Dean and leaned in.

“Hello Dean” he said, choking on his own tears “I’m right here with you, I won’t leave you”

The whole day Cas sat there, Bobby left hours ago and doctors keep coming in, checking on the machine, and checking his blood pressure, just in case he would pull through. There was no sign that said he would, Dean was practically dead. Cas never thought it would turn out like this, not yet, maybe in 70 years, when they were both old and it would be Cas that went first, Dean following behind not long after, because when you live with one person long enough, the other one dies shortly after the other. That’s a fact, the other person just cannot live without the other.

Cas wondered if they would ever have a house and a picket fence, kids and a lawnmower, but not a dog, Dean never was a big fan of dogs, maybe Cas could have changed his mind and they could’ve gotten one or a cat, if Dean wouldn’t budge.

“I’m never getting a dog” he said “I know you wouldn’t like it”

Cas laughed a little, it felt odd sitting here talking to himself. Even if Dean could hear him, he felt as if he was talking to a wall.

“I always loved you, you know” Cas started, feeling the need to empty his heart “I was going to say this to you on our wedding day, but that’s never going to happen now, is it?” He took a deep breath and continued “I didn’t fall in love with you when we had coffee, I didn’t fall in love with you at the pier. I loved you long before that, right after I took the picture of you. I spent months looking for you” he stopped to swallow, he was crying now, tears streaming from his eyes, rolling down his face, someone hitting the corner of his mouth “I knew I had to find you, I knew I was going to find you and when you walked into the diner and I saw you for the first time in months I was in shock. It was as if God sent you straight to me, like we were destined to be together and when I found out that you felt the same way for me as I fell for you, I couldn’t have been happier.”

Cas held tightly to Dean’s hand, hoping that he would hold back, open his eyes and tell him that he loved him. He needed to hear it one more time, just once. He wasn’t ready to let go of Dean, he would never be ready to let go and now he was practically forced to, by the same God that brought them together. He let go of Dean’s hand and walked over to the window, staring up at the sky.

“Is this a some sort of sick joke?” he said “do you like seeing people hurt? Letting them meet a person, fall in love with them, give them some time together and then just rip them out of their lives? You are sick, there’s nothing good about you!”

He covered his face with his hands and cried into them. He cried harder than he had ever done before, letting it all out, not caring if anyone saw or heard him. He needed to cry, it was okay to cry.

The next day went by the same way. Cas talked to Dean, no reply, Cas watched TV with Dean, only that Dean wasn’t paying attention and then at the end of the day he would fall asleep in the chair and then wake up with Sam sitting on the other side of the bed, holding the hand of his dead brother. Cas rubbed his eyes and looked at Sam.

“He’s really gone, isn’t he?” Sam asked and slowly turned his head in Cas’ direction. Cas nodded, his head felt heavy and Sam looked at Dean again.

“I signed the papers” he sighed “they said they were going to wait until you had woken up, so you could say goodbye”

Cas felt his heart stop beating, he couldn’t breathe properly, his hands fell heavy to the side of his body and he couldn’t take his eyes of Sam. It was as if the world stopped, right there. This was it, this would be the last time he would speak to Dean, the last words he would ever say. Sam stood up from the chair and looked at Cas.

“I’ve already said my goodbyes, I’m gonna give you some privacy to do it and go get the doctor at the same time” Sam’s voice was low and heavy, as if every word was forced out of him. There was no happiness in his eyes. There should be, he had just gotten married, he had been on his honeymoon. He should’ve been the happiest man alive. He shouldn’t have been here, with his dead brother, saying goodbye. Sam had left the room long before Cas had snapped out of his thoughts. He got closer to Dean’s bed and held his hand tightly.

“Well, I guess, this is it” Cas said, his tears starting again, you would have thought he would be all out by now “my finally goodbye. I don’t know what to say, Dean, I really don’t.” he used the end of his sleeve to dry his tears. “I thought I would have more time, with you I mean. I’m glad for the time I had, I just whished it would have been longer. I’m grateful for all the memories and I will cherish them and I will never forget you. You have a place in my heart that cannot be filled or taken over by anyone else. You were my first love, you never forget your first love, Dean.”

He sighed, cried, dried his tears “I hope you don’t forget me, because one day we will see each other again and I will tell you everything I have done and you will listen, reply and you can tell me about heaven. Teach me a thing or two. I’ll bring my polaroid, so we can take more pictures, make more memories” his voice barely getting through his throat “I love you” were the last words he said to Dean before leaning closer and giving him one last kiss.

Sam and the doctor came into the room, together with a nurse. They shut down the machine, button by button, before pulling out the cord. The heart monitor made a long monotone noise before the nurse shut that one off too. Dean’s chest rose one more time, but when it fell down it never came up.

The nurse looked at her watch, seven past four.

Cas unlocked the door to the apartment and when he got inside he heard the radio, a familiar song was playing.

_‘Wise men say only fools rush in_

_But I can't help falling in love with you_

_Shall I stay_

_Would it be a sin_

_If I can't help falling in love with you’_

Cas slowly closed the door and a tear fell from his eye, hitting the floor. He kicked off his shoes and walked into the bedroom.

_‘Like a river flows surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_

_Take my hand, take my whole life too_

_For I can't help falling in love with you’_

He pulled out his shoebox from under the bed, lifted off the top end emptied it on the bedroom floor. He found what he was looking for and went back into the living room, placed himself on the couch and the picture on the table.

_‘Like a river flows surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_

_Take my hand, take my whole life too_

_For I can't help falling in love with you_

_For I can't help falling in love with you’_

He crossed out the word _never_ and added a name. He looked at the very first picture he ever took of Dean, in his brown leather jacket, green shirt and grey t-shirt, his hazel green eyes shimmering in the sun, so full of life, so full of happiness. He placed the picture on the table, leaned back and closed his eyes.

_I ~~never~~ learned his name, it was Dean._


End file.
